Students participate in new zoo exchange program

Zoo animals pleased


Bears at the San Francisco Zoo fight over an HHS student. Photo courtesy of Brocken Inaglory.

The San Francisco Zoo is known for giving students of all ages joy and entertainment. Everyone from tottering preschoolers to cool high schoolers has memories of observing animals at the zoo.

After years of endless field trips and school visits, FUHSD has decided to give back to the zoo. With the Californian drought, meat has been difficult to get and plants have been harder to cultivate. After a long, 27 hour discussion involving cordial discussion and a life-sized cutout of Ted Cruz, the zoo and FUHSD have come to an agreement.

Students from Homestead will be chosen daily to be fed to the zoo animal of their choice. This program will be titled as the “Fremont Union Nutritious Teens In Mammalian Exchange.” (FUNTIME)

“I’m actually really glad this is happening,” senior Kilo Ren said. “This way I don’t have to worry about student loan debt or college. It’s like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.”

The students will be selected by a different method every month. This month, any Homestead student with a vowel in their name will be eligible to be selected.

“Ever since I was in first grades, other guys have been teasing me about my name. Well, who’s laughing now, Aaron?” Thbrpr Mvhfgw, a  junior, said.

Zoo director, Woodbridge Logie discusses the benefits of the FUNTIME program

HHS students have been taking full advantage of the freedom this program allows. Because students are allowed to choose which animal they are fed to, some animals are more popular than others.

“Obviously some animals are herbivores and therefore have no interest in the students. So far, the most popular animal has been the lion, but bobcats and polar bears have both been chosen several times,” zoo director Woodbridge Logie said, as he stroked his fine and incredibly long mustache.

The FUNTIME program will not only be beneficial for the zoo animals, but also for the students of Homestead.

“Not only does this program allow students to interact with fascinating wildlife,” Logie said, “but it also teaches many real-life lessons. Students will be able to learn about the cold, hard teeth of reality. And isn’t that the best gift that a teenager can receive?”